“My friend only paid $3,000 for her photographer.” “My sister’s flowers were half that.” “My cousin had the same number of guests and her venue didn’t cost anywhere near this much.” “My friend hired a planner for much less.” I hear versions of these statements all the time. And I understand why. When you’re planning a wedding, particularly if you’ve never planned an event of this size before, you need some kind of frame of reference. Asking a friend what she paid seems like a perfectly sensible place to start. It is a sensible place to start. It just shouldn’t be where the comparison ends. Because your friend’s wedding isn’t a price comparison. It’s one piece of information.
The Same Thing May Not Be the Same Thing
Suppose your friend tells you she spent $5,000 on flowers and you’ve just received a proposal for $9,000. That’s a big difference. But before deciding your florist is overpriced, what did your friend’s $5,000 actually buy? How many guests did she have? How many tables? What flowers did she use? What season was it? Did she have ceremony flowers? Large installations? Candles? Specialty vessels? Were delivery, setup and breakdown included? Did anything have to be moved from the ceremony to the reception? How many people were required to install it? Suddenly, those two numbers don't tell us very much. And flowers are only one example. Two photographers can both offer eight hours of coverage and provide very different services. Two planners can both call something “full-service planning” while offering very different scopes of work. Two caterers can quote dinner for 150 guests, but one proposal may include staffing, rentals or services that appear as additional charges on another. The number at the bottom of the page only means something when you understand everything above it.
Location Changes the Equation
Where you're getting married matters. A wedding in Manhattan isn't priced like a wedding in a small town in Pennsylvania. And even two venues within the same city may operate very differently. Labor, transportation, parking, real estate, insurance, staffing requirements and operating costs vary from market to market. So when someone in a Facebook group tells you: “That’s ridiculous! I only paid...”Before panicking, ask: Where was your wedding?Then keep asking questions.
When Was the Wedding?
This one gets overlooked constantly. Your sister's 2019 wedding is not necessarily a useful benchmark for what you'll pay today. Costs change. Businesses change. And professionals change. A photographer who charged one amount several years ago may now have significantly more experience, better equipment, additional staff and a completely different level of service. Historical pricing can give you information. It cannot necessarily tell you what something should cost today.
Experience Is Part of What You're Buying
This is where comparison becomes more complicated, because experience doesn't fit neatly into a proposal. Sometimes a higher price reflects better materials. Sometimes it reflects more labor. Sometimes it reflects greater customization. Sometimes it reflects artistic talent or a particular aesthetic. And sometimes you're paying for judgment accumulated over hundreds of events, the ability to anticipate a problem, make a decision quickly or know what to do when something doesn't go according to plan. And sometimes, something really is just more expensive.That's important, too. I'm not suggesting that the higher priced vendor is automatically better. They're not. I'm not suggesting that an inexpensive vendor can't be wonderful. They absolutely can. Price is information. It isn't proof of quality. That's why you have to understand what you're comparing.
Ask Your Friends. Just Ask Better Questions.
Please talk to your married friends. Their experiences can be incredibly useful. But instead of only asking: “How much did you pay? ”Try asking: What was included? What wasn't included? Were there additional charges later? What did you love about the service? What disappointed you? Did you get what you expected? Was the professional responsive? Would you hire them again? And perhaps the most useful question of all: Do you feel what you received was worth what you paid? Now you're learning something. Because there is a tremendous difference between knowing what something cost and understanding what someone received for the money.
Your Wedding Has Its Own Priorities
Maybe your friend cared deeply about photography and spent very little on flowers. Maybe flowers are one of the most important elements of your wedding. Maybe she had a simple restaurant reception and you're transforming a raw industrial space. Maybe she wanted a DJ and you want a 10-piece band. Maybe she didn't need a planner. Maybe you do. Neither wedding is wrong. They're simply different weddings. So have a budget. Research prices. Compare proposals. Ask your friends what they spent. Ask questions. Negotiate where appropriate. Understand your priorities. Do all of it. But don't allow somebody else's number to become the standard your wedding has to meet. Your friend's wedding can give you information. It cannot tell you what your wedding should cost.And before you decide that something is too expensive, or that you've found an incredible bargain, ask one more question: What am I actually buying? Because that's where a meaningful comparison begins.
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